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Last week, while chasing waves with my 10-year old granddaughter in the Atlantic Ocean in Martha's Vineyard, I noticed the surf, which had been crashing in, had suddenly disappeared. The ocean I was standing in up to my waist seemed eerily calm. The sandy shore behind me lay perfectly flat, like a sheet of paper. How peculiar.
We got caught in a riptide. I'll never know how it happened, but it did, and the knowing really doesn't matter any more. All that does is that we were at the mercy of the sea. Even writing about it now makes me sick to my stomach -- but it is like an aching tooth, this desire to rub up against it, write it down, tell it as best I can.
We were pulled out to sea and flung under powerful waves. My granddaughter was 70, 80 feet away, screaming, "Grandpa, we're going to drown."
The nightmare of all time, but you can't give in, for you must survive. You must. Trying to keep my voice calm, I yelled, "We're going to make it. Swim." Other phrases, too, like "I promise you we'll make it." She never panicked, even as we became more separated, drifting out to sea.
Another wave came, one that pulled me under, deeper than I had ever gone, one that never seemed to end and I thought, "So this is it, this is how it ends. We are going to die." But then I surfaced. We can't die, I told myself, even as my granddaughter drifted further away from me. "Swim, swim, swim," I yelled, frantic that she might give up. "Swim along the shore!"
Then I think it's happening, or rather just about to happen -- death. I imagine my wife on the beach, our children and our grandchildren back home, whether it will all come to this. But only for an instant. You have to fight. You have to think. You can't give up.
Never have I fought harder. As I spotted my granddaughter closer to the beach, I thought, "Oh God, make her get to shore." Then I could die. I knew that this was the time to yell -- it wouldn't scare her as much. "Help," I cried, hearing my voice and how helpless I sounded, wondering if this would be the last word I would ever utter. Everyone on shore was oblivious to us. "Help, help!" I cried, then stretched my toes, desperately hoping they'd touch bottom. "Sand, sand, I can touch the bottom," I yelled to her. "We're going to make it."
Minutes later, two young men helped me stagger back to the beach. They had helped my granddaughter, too, pushing her over a wave toward shore. Then they disappeared. If by chance they are reading this piece, I ask them to find me once more -- this time it will be easier -- for I have a bottle of champagne I'd like to offer them.
And suddenly there was my wife, who thought she had lost us, clutching our sobbing grandchild. An hour later, at home, I caught an image of myself reflected in a window. It was as if I could see through myself, how I would look if I were a ghost. I found a private grassy patch where no one could see me and threw myself to the ground, overcome by weeping.
I feel alive now, in a way I hadn't before, and so full of gratitude that is at times intoxicating.
The memory of all this no longer haunts me. Instead, it is what I noticed in the days afterward which I find myself thinking about.
1. Returning home, I glance a wet glass on a wooden table. It had left a ring. I started to wipe it off, then decided not to.
2. Minutes after the event, I heard the most unexpected of sounds from across the street: the plaintive wail of a bagpipe, and off in the distance, a chorus of crickets and the roar of the sea.
3. Hours after having survived, on a ferry to Woods Hole, I glimpsed a map of Nantucket Sound, a tide chart. I turned away, physically sick, afraid I might vomit.
4. For a week, I could not look at meat and lost six pounds.
5. Strangers do not look as strange. I have to keep myself from turning to them, especially if they have children, telling them my story, and warning them of riptides: that if they are caught in one, not to fight. You can't win. Swim parallel to the shore. Stay calm. Tread water.
6. Life seems more intoxicating, and so much more fun, like I've had a martini. Or two.
7. Suddenly, capturing a moth in our kitchen and releasing it outside seems terribly important.
8. Waiting at the post office for a clerk, I noticed a row of rubber stamps: SURFACE, FRAGILE, and PERISHABLE. I picked up PERISHABLE and stamped my hand. The word was printed in purple and I was proud of stamping myself, as if I was committing a transgression, but hadn't been caught.
9. Two days later, I went to our local deli, figuring a bagel and eggs might be just the thing. I jumped when I heard a chair being dragged across the floor. While reading the newspaper, which I had not done in four days, I spilled coffee over myself and worried I scalded myself. I was just a little wet. Then I heard this guy behind me. He was sitting with half a dozen guys, all in their 70's and 80's. This is what he said: "Then there was Mel Berger. A bookmaker and gambler. Arrested five, six times. Once, the judge said, 'Thirty days or thirty thousand dollars fine,' and Mel told him, 'February's a slow month. I'll take jail.' Mel Berger, a great guy. Had this BMW and when it was 13 years old, he gave it a Bar Mitzvah." I ask Shelly, my waitress, for a pen and transcribe the dialogue on my napkin.
10. Driving's tricky. Listening to the radio helps, but I can't stand anyone talking. Then again, you never know what song you'll get. Sometimes it's as if some greater power is the DJ.
11. I return the swatches of gray velvet fabric and tell them we'll wait till September to have the couches reupholstered. Who can decide what shade is best? Graphite, charcoal or mist?
12. I give in more easily when my wife or grandchildren ask me to do something I might not want to, especially if it makes them happy.
In "Crossing the Unknown Sea," David Whyte writes of his own near-death experience in the Atlantic: "In the old Greek stories depicting fleeting encounters with divinity, the touch of a god was always experienced as both violation and blessing." We had gone too far out; we had not been vigilant or respectful enough; we had been too brash. The blessing? For Whyte and for me: life. We had survived. We had come back.
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By the time I reached the pair, they were about 75 yards out and there was no tide whatsoever. I had to swim with my dad elevated around his shoulders, held up by my right arm, while my sister rode what remained of the raft. To this day, I will never understand how I pulled both to safety. When we reached shore, I collapsed face first in the sand. I have not been in the ocean since.....REDSTATEREFUGEE: The tale reminded me of an incident in the summerhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/social/REDSTATEREFUGEE/10-things-i-learned-from-_b_1842732_184651054.htmlHistory |Permalink |Share itThis comment has been down-ranked into oblivion. View comment You have not right to carry out this operation or Error this operation.

that's why i still body surf 6-10 foot waves every year just to see if i can still do it and to challenge life in preparation for another year. i have been scared enough times to know life is precious, life is for living and most of life is too trivial to worry about because nothing trumps acute fear of dying. only the people in your ife really matter.yappnmutt: you don't lnow what you got until its gone. that'shttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/social/yappnmutt/10-things-i-learned-from-_b_1842732_184637251.htmlHistory |Permalink |Share itThis comment has been down-ranked into oblivion. View comment You have not right to carry out this operation or Error this operation.




Bon voyage and consider yourself lucky for the second chance.BeachBubbaTex: Same thing happened to me (with both my young boys).http://www.huffingtonpost.com/social/BeachBubbaTex/10-things-i-learned-from-_b_1842732_184531035.htmlHistory |Permalink |Share itThis comment has been down-ranked into oblivion. View comment You have not right to carry out this operation or Error this operation.



Always swing in PARALLEL to the rip tipe, which will eventually get you out...and then swimg to the center, which is to say the center of the "arch" created by the rip tide where there is no dragging action and the sea will push you to shore.
Also, people need to learn how to do the "christ" in the sea water something that is tought elsewhere in the world but never in the US; Lay on your back and spread your arms and legs out. Take deep breaths and hold, which will help you hold afloat. When you exhale you will sink a little, push on your arms UP and take another deep breath. This will keep exhastuion to a minimum while keeping you afloat.
In my younger years, before I was a surfer, I used to bodysurf and I was dragged by rip ties endless amount of times. About the only time this did not help was in 1984 when a rip tied dragged me to the reef line on a 14 foot wave day. I was rescue at the last minute by a guy in a boogieboard that was my biggest nemesis at the time: Needless to say, we became friends from that day on and to this day I thank him for what he did.Lulo: When caught in a riptide never EVER try to swinghttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/social/Lulo/10-things-i-learned-from-_b_1842732_184527258.htmlHistory |Permalink |Share it This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program










IN THE END ... REGRET ONLY WHAT YOU DON'T DO
We are free ... knowing it can end at any moment ... I never worry about anything because that is like trying to shovel snow before it's fallen ...
As James Dean sadly said
DREAM LIKE YOU WILL LIVE FOREVER ... LIVE LIKE YOU WILL DIE TOMORROW
Freedom.AlisonCarnie: Charlie Rose said something that changed my life after ahttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/social/AlisonCarnie/10-things-i-learned-from-_b_1842732_184517483.htmlHistory |Permalink |Share itThis comment has been down-ranked into oblivion. View comment You have not right to carry out this operation or Error this operation.


You mentioned treading water and swimming parallel to the shore instead of straight towards the shore, but it's also a good idea to let yourself float for a few seconds if you're out of breath. The way you do it is to fill your lungs with air and tilt your head slightly backwards while letting your legs float as if you're lying down in the water. I got caught in a rip current again a couple years ago at a beach with no life guard, but I didn't panic. I got back to shore and everything was fine.Indigo_Aqua: I was caught in a rip current when I washttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/social/Indigo_Aqua/10-things-i-learned-from-_b_1842732_184516792.htmlHistory |Permalink |Share itThis comment has been down-ranked into oblivion. View comment You have not right to carry out this operation or Error this operation.

A dozen years, later, I got caught on the wrong side of a riptide, and being a pretty weak swimmer, could not swim harder than the current, and so, began to drift parallel to the shore, slowly losing whatever strength remaining in fruitless attempts to break through and reach shore.
The sensation I had during the second near-drowning: that everything I had experienced between that moment and my first near-drowning was illusion, and that the only true moment in my life was drowning, hidden by illusion, now stripped back by drowning. The sensation has never quite left me, and now, I'm past 60.jhNY: I came very near to drowning when I was abouthttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/social/jhNY/10-things-i-learned-from-_b_1842732_184516676.htmlHistory |Permalink |Share itThis comment has been down-ranked into oblivion. View comment You have not right to carry out this operation or Error this operation.


The thoughts that ran through my mind during those critical moments were almost identical to yours which is why I got sick reading your article. At the time I was in may early 40's and even then, I think I was too young / immature to pay attention to life lessons that an experience like this offers.
Perhaps is that I do not have any offspring that rely on me or needed a few more years on the planet under my belt. In any case, I do get it now and owe this wisdom and insight to my age. Yes! There are some true benefits to being old(er)!
Thank you for your article.deweym: Ted, I too was sick to my stomach when Ihttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/social/deweym/10-things-i-learned-from-_b_1842732_184515753.htmlHistory |Permalink |Share itThis comment has been down-ranked into oblivion. View comment You have not right to carry out this operation or Error this operation.


Just FYI.Infoguy323: I hope that people reading this don't think that Sutton'shttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/social/Infoguy323/10-things-i-learned-from-_b_1842732_184501327.htmlHistory |Permalink |Share itThis comment has been down-ranked into oblivion. View comment You have not right to carry out this operation or Error this operation.





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